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  • Writer's pictureJason Kiesau


Each of us has needs for security and comfort. When needs are met, we feel comfortable and when not met, we feel tension. Since we were little we have been developing strategies, coping mechanisms and behavioral patterns to meet our needs; some productive and some unproductive. We are all selfish.

Our needs influence our relationships with others. When others intentionally or unintentionally meet our needs, we tend to feel comfortable and relationship builds. When our needs aren't met, we feel stress and protect ourselves and the relationship may never build.

We assess others based on our experience with their behavior or their OBSERVABLE BEHAVIOR, see the middle section of the image below. Depending on our needs, preferences and expectations being met or unmet; we attribute and assume positive or negative traits and pass positive or negative judgement on others; regardless of reality and truth. We may be right, but we are likely wrong.

Pay attention to how others make you feel and see if you can recognize patterns of behavior that make you feel comfortable versus make you feel stressed. Pay attention to how you judge others (positive or negative) depending on your level of comfort or discomfort with their behavior.

We give too much credit to others when we feel good. We give too much blame to others when we feel stressed.

The benefit of developing greater emotional and social intelligence is it helps you get to a place of greater objectivity, empathy and appreciation with others. This means you will experience greater comfort and less stress, more consistently. That's good for you and everyone who counts on you.

Visit to learn more about Social Intelligence programming and training!

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