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  • Writer's pictureJason Kiesau


This morning I was following up with a client that recently went through SOCIAL STYLE. I had the SOCIAL STYLE model on a monitor and my 11 year old son was asking me questions about the training and about the model. It turned into a great conversation.

We normally talk about where he thinks he is on the model, where his mom and I are and he makes some guesses where his friends might be. Today we went a little deeper and we started diving into ASSERTIVENESS.

I asked him the following questions:


- Do you tend to talk fast or slow? (he talks faster) - Do you tend to talk more or less? (he talks more) - Do you tend to talk louder or quieter? (he talks louder)


- Do you tend to use your hands more or less when communicating? (he uses his hands) - Do you tend to lean forward or lean back? (he leans forward) - Do you tend to look people in their eyes or look away? (he looks people in the eye)

Though these are a very small sample of questions, answering these questions about others will give you an idea if they tend to be more TELL ASSERTIVE or ASK ASSERTIVE.

During interactions, people who are more Tell Assertive tend to tell or be more forceful in meeting their need and getting what they want.

Ex: Hey, let's go to lunch at noon!

During interactions, people who are more Ask Assertive tend to ask and be more thoughtful when meeting their needs and getting what they want.

Ex: Would you like to get lunch at noon?

People who tend to be more Tell Assertive prefer a faster pace, push for what they want, are more focused on the outcome than process and willing to take risks.

People who tend to be Ask Assertive want predictability so they work at a slower pace, tend to be more thoughtful, are interested in the process to achieve the outcome, are risk adverse and avoid conflict.

Understanding this about yourself will lead to greater self-awareness and self-management. Understanding these things about others will give insight into their needs and preferences, but also how to manage your expectations and work with them to achieve the best results.

What do you think you are?

Do you think you tend to be more Tell Assertive or Ask Assertive?

What do you think I am?

(both have their advantages and disadvantages, so neither is right or wrong)

For more information about the SOCIAL STYLE Model, visit

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