This deer made me think about human nature, stress, and emotional intelligence.

About five minutes into my walk this morning, I spotted this deer five to 10 feet from the sidewalk. I kept walking toward it, expecting it to run away.

But it didn’t.

Even as I got closer… Even when I stopped to take a picture… It stayed calm.

Why? Not because I did anything special. And probably not because it’s unusually friendly. 

It just didn’t see me as a threat.

If it had, its stress response would’ve kicked in (fight or flight). But it felt safe, so it stayed grounded and present.

And we’re not that different.

When we feel safe, we’re confident, focused, and steady. But when we don’t? Our nervous system reacts. We tighten up, get defensive or avoidant, and lose access to our best thinking and behavior.

In Stress: A Portrait of a Killer, Stanford biologist Robert Sapolsky explains how animals like deer only activate their stress response when there’s a real, immediate threat, like a predator. And once the threat is gone, they reset. Their nervous system calms. Their body recovers.

What about us? We’re wired the same way, but we don’t reset. 

We perceive threats all day . . . deadlines, criticism, uncertainty, and our stress response kicks in over and over. Worse, we replay those threats in our heads, keeping ourselves in a chronic state of stress long after the moment has passed. That stress slowly erodes our health, weakens our immune system, damages our relationships and hijacks our ability to work, communicate and lead effectively.

That’s why programming around emotional intelligence, versatility and resilience are so critical. They help us recognize when we’re triggered. They help us learn to regulate. They help us choose a better response.

This deer didn’t need emotional intelligence.

But we do.

(and so do your leaders and managers)