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  • Writer's pictureJason Kiesau

A Truth About People

A Truth About People:

Every human has needs for security. When needs are met, people have greater security, stability, confidence and focus. When needs are not met, people go into self-protection mode; experiencing instability, insecurity, tension, stress and are preoccupied and distracted from their relationships, goals, potential and purpose.

At a young age we develop patterns of behavior that help us meet our needs. Some are productive and some aren't. We repeat what works and we dismiss what doesn't, whether they are productive or not.

As we get older, learn more and mature, hopefully we repeat what supports our success and stop doing what may hold us back. One harsh reality of life is that some figure it out and some never do.

Our Needs:

(A) Some people NEED to get their way. They tend to be independent vs relational. They are fast paced, see what they want and they go after it. When their NEED is not being met they become impatient, autocratic, controlling and pushy. SOCIAL STYLE calls this a Driving Style.

(B) Some people NEED approval / recognition / respect. They tend to be relational, enthusiastic, fast paced and impulsive. They want to woo the world around them. When their NEED is not being met they are likely to read into things, take things personally, become visibly emotional and may quickly become needy and/or confront and attack the source of their tension and stress. SOCIAL STYLE calls this an Expressive Style.

(C) Some people NEED predictability and stability with their environment and their relationships. They prefer a slower pace and are the best people-people on the planet. They may go out of their way to make sure others are OK. They may become people pleasers and put others' wants / needs ahead of their own. When their NEED is not being met they will act like everything is great, tell you it's fine, acquiesce and withdraw. They may never communicate a problem until it's beyond repair. SOCIAL STYLE calls this an Amiable Style.

(D) Some people NEED predictability and to make the right decision. They are logical vs. relational and prefer a slower pace. They are analytical and do everything in their power to make sure any final decision is correct and accurate. When their NEED is not being met they may get "paralysis by analysis", be extremely slow in making a decision and checkout altogether if they disagree, aren't on board or aren't allowed to go through their process. SOCIAL STYLE calls this an Analytical Style.

Consequences and Opportunities:

I know some of you buy in to this stuff and some of you don't. And, just because you don't doesn't mean you're right. This stuff has years of research to ensure it's reliability and validity.

Without making it personal to you yet, consider a home where different people have different needs than each other. Maybe kids have different needs than one or both parents. Maybe kids' needs are different.

IF the adults / parents don't take the hard look in the mirror to understand themselves... don't develop empathy to understand each other... to understand the individual needs of all family members... what are the risks? What does a home culture look like where needs aren't being met, people are stressed and in self-protection mode?

Consider an organization with people with different needs are charged to work together for a common goal, but haven't been given the education... training... support to learn these things about themselves and others. What are the chances of success? What are the risks?

Now make this personal to you. Between A, B, C, or D; which describes you most? Which of the four do you tend to get along with best? Which of the four do you tend to have the most challenges with?

Without even trying, human nature sets us up for a lot of challenges, stress and suffering. The only way to overcome that is either luck or learning.

For me this is about people being more effective, personally and professionally. This isn't about everybody getting along all the time... this isn't about holding hands and singing Kumbya... this isn't about giving in to make others happy. This is about people being healthy, mentally and emotionally and living their potential with the least amount of stress and suffering... TOGETHER.

This is foundational human stuff. And in a world of negativity, stress, panic and worry... daaaaaaamn, do we need it!

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